A Feather on My Cap (The 47th Baeksang Awards – Part 1)

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Author’s note: I watched the 47th Baeksang Awards via live streaming yesterday and Shin Hye just took my breath away. I noticed some instances during her awarding and Sukkie’s sad mood yesterday when he left for Thailand, which gave birth to this chapter. Special thanks to my good friend, Demi, for the title! Love you sis! Enjoy folks. :)

“You look gorgeous dear…” my mom told me as she was fixing my hair.
I was just staring at myself blankly in the mirror while my mom helped in the finishing touches of my make up, as they were being done by my favorite make up artist from Jenny’s house.  I was holding my iPhone on my left hand and I think my mom noticed that I’ve been looking at it for hours now too…
“Shin Hye-ah, are you okay?”
De?” I was startled by my mother’s voice. “Kweanchana Omma…Mianhe-yo…” I apologized for ignoring her. “Did you just say something?”
My mother smiled. “I said you look gorgeous.”
“Ah, kamsahmnida Omma.
“I can see that your body is with us but your mind is somewhere else…is it perhaps in Incheon?” my mother teased.
Omma!” I was surprised at my mom’s revelation that I blushed.
“What is it Shin Hye?” My mom was waiting for me to open up to her. “Has Keun Suk not contacted you yet?” She leaned over and hugged me, then whispered in my ear. “I know how you feel..I can see it in your eyes…I saw it in Keun Suk’s too when he left last night after bringing you home.” My mom ran his hand through my back, which always felt good at times like this.
“I just feel a little frustrated and upset Omma… you know how it is…and times like this is what sucks…” I finally told her controlling my tears. But it was hard controlling them when I recalled the talk I had with Keun Suk Oppa last night…
~O~O~
“Baby, I wanna go.. I want to see you there accepting your award… even if it means not sitting with you or escorting you on stage… I still want to be there. But…” Keun Suk Oppa said as he handed me the cup of Cafe Americano he bought for the two of us. We were at the roof top of the new Tree J Office building, the one he recently bought. “…I know I can’t.”
I held the cup with both of my hands, feeling the warmth of it. “Nae, Keun Suk-ah, you know how it is… and besides you have to leave for Thailand tomorrow too.” Saying that left a tinge of pain in my heart.
“Why does the Baeksang Awards have to be held on the day I leave? Huh?” Keun Suk turned to me with the sad look in his eyes. He put down his coffee beside him and held my face in both his hands. “Look at you… so pretty sitting across from me, staring at me with those marvelous bright eyes,” he said while caressing my left cheek.
I leaned towards the hand that caressed my cheek then closed my eyes, fighting the tears that want to fall down.
Oppa…don’t be like this…you are making it hard for the both of us…”
Mianhe my princess.” Keun Suk apologized, then pulled me closer to him and hugged me tightly.
I hugged him back, resting my head to where it likes the most…the crook of his neck. I kissed his collar bone to tell him that I feel the same way as him.
He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed it then said “When I saw you in that plum Grecian gown we purchased last week, I just held my breath as you stood in front of me because you were just perfect in it… and it was perfect on you… it’s as if it was custom made for you…” He closed his eyes, imagining the day he took me to get the dress I’ll wear tomorrow night. “And right there and then I knew I am gonna miss half of my life, Shin Hye.” He pulled me back a little and looked at me straight in the eye. “I have always wanted to take you to an awards night…I have always dreamed that I’d be your escort one day…when you go up on stage to accept that much deserved trophy, I want to be the loudest in the audience clapping my hands for you, if not standing with pride.” Then he pulled me close again, kissed me in the forehead before he embraced me and sighed. “But that will still continue to be a dream Shin Hye… until the day we come out in the open… which is not in the near future…you know that. And this is what’s hurting me most right now.”
I held him tight, my tears uncontrollable now. “Oppa… you know very well how much I want you to be with me tomorrow night… and yes, we both know it’s far from happening.”  I looked at him with loving eyes, ran my hands through his face as another tear fell from my eye. “I have learned to accept these things now, Keun Suk… and though I did, it still hurts me… especially seeing you hurting like this. Seeing you like this gives me pain worse than the pain I feel everytime I deny you and saying I’m not and can’t be involved with you.” I gave her a quick kiss to make him feel better. “So, let’s just look at the bright side, okay. I’ll have Yong Hwa beside me tomorrow to  take care of me, remember.” I pinched his cheek lightly and then gave him a quick kiss again.
We were sitting at the wooden floor of the rooftop, and he moved me closer to him, pulling me in at the middle of both of his long  legs. He placed his chin above my right shoulder and wrapped his arms around me.
“Yeah, good thing Yong Hwa will be there. At least I feel secured.” He kissed my neck then moved on to my shoulder and said. “Are you happy this way, babe?”
I took his hand and pulled it closer to my lips. “Yes Suk-di. I am happy… so long as I am with you and I know you are mine, I am happy.” I knew he understood what I meant.
I felt his lips pressed on my cheek again. “Chukahae, My Hye-Bi. This award of yours is long overdue. But don’t cry when you accept your award tomorrow, okay. Because if you do, I’ll be sadder. Oh, why is it so hard to leave you this time?”
I shifted my position, stood up for a second and then sat down on his lap. “Because you love me so much and you want to be with me, that’s why it’s hard leaving me…” I tapped the tip of his nose then offered him my lips.
“Ya, when did you become so arrogant, Park Shin Hye?” He teased. “But yeah, you’re right…I love you too much… it’s just getting harder to leave you now…” And with that, he willfully accepted the lips I offered him.
His kiss was so gentle, that I felt all that he was feeling at that very moment. He brushed his lips onto mine, stopping and starting like it was his first time kissing. He took my lower lip like he used to do and I took his upper lip in return.
Our heads moved from left to right as we exchange kisses in this beautiful night, with the stars as our witness. I heard him breathe and with it, moved my body closer to his. He grabbed me by the waist and made his kiss deeper. I felt he slowly slid something inside my mouth and I knew what it was…his tongue. We had to catch our breaths for a moment and when we did I said “I love you Keun Suk.”
“I love you too, Shin Hye… nomu saranghae…” He stared at my lips which made me blush a bit.
Oppa… stop staring at me…”
“You truly are beautiful, babe.”
After saying those words, Keun Suk captured my lips again. But this time, it was me who led the kissing. I started with a brush on his lips and then shifted to something deeper. Maybe because of the love we have for each other and how it has overflown tonight that we both got carried away. Our lips entwined together, he slowly brushed his tongue on my lips. I can feel his heartbeat while he did this, and yes, it still felt like the first time we kissed. I knew what I had to do, so, nervous as I was too, slowly opened my mouth to let his kisses in. Our tongues had a short-lived fight inside our mouths, as I slid my hands through his hair. We knew we had to break this before we lose it, and the gentleman that he is, Keun Suk gently turned the deep kiss into a softer one, and then slowly lifted his mouth to break our kiss.
He rested his forehead onto mine and said, “Mianhe babe, I have to break it or I’ll be uncontrollable in the next second.”
I smirked and told him “I second that… how can you become so irresistible huh?”
He smiled at me with loving eyes, then we just hugged each other and became silent for a minute.
He once again kissed my temple. “I have one favor to ask of you…”
Mwo? What is it Oppa?
“Wear our rings tomorrow night, babe. Will you do that for me?”
“All of the three Oppa? Nae, of course, my darling…” This will be my way of saying how I love you and that I’m yours and you’re mine.
Keun Suk gave me a big smile. “I’ll miss you, Shin Hye. God knows I’m leaving with a heavy heart tomorrow.” He hugged me close tightly again.
“I’ll miss you too Oppa… bogosipda…” I replied, tightening my embrace.
I think my speech will give it away, Keun Suk… I know myself…You’ll know I miss you when I give my speech on that stage.
I said to myself, though even I myself don’t know how… I just knew that something will tell him I miss him and that I’m grateful to and for him tomorrow night.
He took my hand and led me to stand up. “Come, I’ll take you home now so you can have your beauty rest.” Keun Suk winked.
Smiling, I took his hand with both of mine and then he gently lifted me up. “Take care tomorrow Suk-di…you have a safe flight.”
“Uhm…” he nodded while we walk towards the door holding hands. “If I can’t make it to your place before the Baeksang or before I leave, I’ll just text or call you, okay.”
I rested my head on his arms. “Nae, ahrasso, Oppa.”
~O~O~
“Shin Hye-ah, Ya! Shin Hye-ah…” my mother shook me a bit to get me off from daydreaming. “Your phone just buzzed.”
“Oh! Sorry Omma.” I slid my hand to the left of my phone’s screen to unlock it and I knew it was the message I’ve been waiting for all afternoon.
Hey my pretty Shin Hye. I can just imagine how beautiful you are tonight that I’m starting to regret again. I just arrived at Incheon. Will board the plane soon. Congratulations again, babe. I am so proud of you. I’ll talk to you once I land in Thailand, okay. Missing you already, my princess. Saranghae.
I smiled as I read the last word of Keun Suk’s text message, at the same time felt the butterfly in my stomach again, which actually happens everytime he say those words.
Gomawo Suk-di. Take care my prince J.   I’ll be leaving for the venue in a few minutes too. Miss you too Suk-di. I’ll talk to you later then. Nado Saranghae.
I took a last glance at myself in the mirror, thought of what Keun Suk would think and say when he’s here, and, satisfied as I was, I smiled. I thanked the people who helped me become beautiful tonight, bid goodbye to my mother, and walked towards the car waiting to bring me to the much awaited event tonight.
As I walked outside, I looked at the three rings I have on my right ring finger and played with it.
I KEPT MY PROMISE OPPA. BUT THIS IS ALSO MY WAY OF SHOWING THE WORLD I LOVE YOU OPPA…SO YOU WON’T FEEL SAD ANYMORE…I KNOW YOU’LL BE HAPPY WHEN YOU SEE ME WEARING THESE…
(to be continued)